In a few days I'm going to be 52. That means I'm a Leo! I was born with confidence, loyalty, a powerful sense of pride and an unwavering desire to lead with a scary dose of fierceness￼! I was also born with crippling SHAME. ￼Not only was it in my DNA, the shame perpetuated itself as I aged.
I could give you all the reasons why shame was my companion: I was too much, too loud, oppressed and repressed, sexually abused, physically, abused, bullied, poverty stricken, rejected, completely ￼misunderstood as an Empath and on and on. I have a story like all of you.
I have spent my life unraveling the ridiculous stories that I have told myself about myself because of the things I've experienced. I've had to make different decisions on how I show up in the world, and what I believe in. I've been the ringleader of the shit show on more than a few occasions. ￼
As I'm getting older, I realized one of the parts of myself that I felt the most ashamed of was my body because it didn't look like it did when I was 20. Yes it's true. I was a size 6 and a goddamn blonde bombshell with the perfect boobs and hips with the most glorious face. I've always had a great sense of style with crazy sensual vibes.￼￼ Do you know what's insane about all of that? I couldn't see my ￼beauty because I was too ashamed of who I wasn't.
As I gained weight through my life, I tried every diet, read every book and considered bariatric surgery more than 100 times.
The one thing that I know after being a healer and a coach for 16 years is that if I don't deal with the shame, it doesn't matter if I lose weight or not, I will still feel the same as I do as a bigger person.
Losing weight does not eradicate shame.
Did you know that shame carries a frequency of 10 MHz? And did you know that death is zero? That means shame is as close to death as you can get without dying. People that ￼carry shame, often times yearn for death. Been there done that shit.
As I move forward in my life, creating and embracing￼, I've chosen to love my body where it is. I may lose weight and I may not. You'll notice if I do and you'll probably notice if I don't. Either way I'm going to enjoy the "F" out of my life.
My husband constantly tells me how much he loves my Goddess body and that he can't get enough of it, that has been a powerful healing agent for my shame. I'm so grateful to him for loving me in all my ways on my shame eradication journey... and even with all of his love and acceptance of me, at the end of the day, my shame is mine and it's my job alone to put this beast to bed.
The world has conditioned us to believe that we are only desirable and worthy if we look a certain way. This is one of the grand and destructive trials that we all face as we challenge the bullshit stories that are created everywhere around us.
We are all Gods and Goddesses, and just as unique as our talents are, so are our bodies. They are to be cherished and loved and worshiped,most especially by the self.
I don't typically do full body shots because I am a perfectionist as a photographer. I know how to capture a feeling in a photo and my arms aren't long enough to capture an entire body shot. I thought I would do it in the mirror so you can see all of me instead of just my face.
This picture is me on my day off while I'm cleaning the bathrooms and I thought I just take a mirror shot of my cute flowery top. Bahahaha. It accentuates my curves because I've got a lot of curvage. Bahahaha.
So here's to all of us, as we have the courage to be seen. The way you are is perfect right now. Did you hear me the way you are at this very moment, is enough! I love you, and I see you… All of you.